Worst Treats to Give Out on Halloween

As kids wander neighborhoods all over the world this coming Halloween, they’ll be happy to get just about anything. However, some treats are so ridiculous, so antithetical to the spirit of the holiday, that we simply must call them out. Here are the worst “treats” you can dole out on October 31st.

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Bags of Change

Contrary to popular belief, it is the 21st century. A bag of pennies could get you one play at Street Fighter II in 1992 but not a whole lot nowadays. Maybe kids can save up for a decade or so and then buy that half gallon of milk they’ve been eyeing.

Apples

Come on. What are you doing giving out apples on Halloween? Parents aren’t even going to let their kids eat them, for fear of poisoned razorblades. That’s just a waste of some perfectly good apples.

Toothbrushes

So you are a dentist, or dental assistant, and are utterly appalled by the eating habits of the average kid on Halloween. Don’t try to be a hero. Let the kids have their fun. There will be time enough for root canals later.

Tootsie Rolls (both legit and generic)

On the surface, Tootsie Rolls seem like a great treat to hand out. There is one fatal flaw in this decision, however. Kids don’t really like them. They are a tease, suggesting chocolate where no chocolatey goodness can be had.

Via: oskay on Flickr (CC BY 2.0)

Swag for your Business

For shame! You are using a sacred pagan holiday designed to sell candy as a platform to advertise your local business?! Save it for the PTA meeting.

Good & Plenty (both legit and generic)

Licorice-flavored candy may have its place, but it is certainly not on Halloween. These nasty little things will not make kids feel good nor give them plenty of enjoyment.

Loose Peanuts

I know you want to teach kids about hard work and responsibility and all of that, but come on — a bunch of loose peanuts still in their shells?! Again, there is no way parents will let these Halloween disappointments come within 10 feet of their kids’ mouths.

Hard Candy

Nothing against your grandmother’s cupboard in 1988, but a Halloween treat bag is no place for hard candy. They’ll just sit there, rotting at the bottom of the bag, until a vigilant parent finally throws the whole thing out.

Wax Bottles

The syrup-filled wax bottle industry gets its only boost during Halloween. Have you ever seen these bizarre concoctions during any other time of year? There is a reason for that. They are kind of gross.

NECCO Wafers

These sugary disks sound good on paper, but in reality they tend to be a stale, chalky mess. If your kid gets some of these, you’ll be finding said disks around the house for months.

Via: bunchofpants on Flickr (CC BY-NC-SA 2.0)

Bubblegum

Finally, there’s bubblegum. Chewing gum may be grouped as candy by some fun haters out there, but I know candy; I’ve eaten candy; candy is a friend of mine. You, sir, bubble gum, are no candy.

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