The Oscars are here! At last! We’ve weathered storms and polar vortexes and Super Bowls and lesser awards shows and junkets and speculation, but now it’s finally time to pull on sweatpants and watch hungry actresses in priceless gowns pretend like they’re not upset that they lost the honor of a lifetime! All that suspense and good bone structure can make a gawker hungry, so here are some suggested courses if you’re planning an Oscars get-together with friends. Or just yourself. It’s a long ceremony, people.

Satisfy your sugar craving and start the evening off right by wolfing down some of Bobby Deen’s low(er)-calorie red velvet cupcakes. When you look in the mirror, ask yourself who you are wearing, and then answer, Frosting. It’s okay, we’ve all been there.

Too thirsty to eat? Make our potable, potent Red Velvet Cupcake Cocktail. Everyone’s a winner on Oscar night.

If you’re still thirsty, sip this wonderful fruit and jasmine tea with a touch of cinnamon and honey. Where’s the blue(berry) in this jasmine? You could always spike it with a little blueberry Stoli, just as Cate Blanchett’s character would have in the movie. Just don’t drink the whole bottle, even if you’re a method actress or the ceremony gets boring during the weird interpretive dance number.

Celebrate America and cheese with this double dose of patriotism in the form of a Red, White and Blue Smoothie plus an American grilled cheese sandwich. Sure, American cheese isn’t really cheese, but that’s why it’s called a hustle, folks.

If you’re dreading the long, sad memorial montage, take a break and make yourself — uh, we mean your guests — another drink. To pay homage to Captain Phillips, we suggest our Cereal Killer cocktail steeped with Alie’s favorite-ever substance, Cap’n Crunch cereal. Just don’t let anyone pirate your libation.

Space! The oblivion! How to nod to Gravity? With a pound cake, of course. And since time is of the essence in these high-stakes situations, here’s a one-minute video that shows you how to make a perfect pound cake. Baking: the final frontier.

Because it’s probably healthy to eat some vegetables, wolf down these healthy mixed greens with a walnut-oil vinaigrette, and try not to say the “F” word 506 times when you taste how good they are.

Get the Recipe: Mixed Greens with Walnut Viaigrette

And lastly, for all you winter sufferers, we’ll help you turn lemons into lemonade and snowdrifts into a cocktail with our Frosty the Palmer. To celebrate Frozen, go grab some snow, limoncello and tea-infused whiskey and you’ve got yourself one baller snow cone. When spring arrives and all the ice melts, you’ll be sad to see it go.

Sure, we missed a few movies, but you try making a food pun out of Nebraska or 12 Years a Slave. So, enjoy the Oscars and invite us to your parties next year! (We’re talking to you, Bradley Cooper. But not with that perm.)